I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i think i have two assholes
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
