During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
