Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
