I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
