He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
