I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
