my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
