did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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