Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
