I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
