and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You're like the curious george of whores
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
