I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Randomize
