New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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