Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
