About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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