i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
