i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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