Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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