All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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