I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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