Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
