I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
