Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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