I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You ate ashes out of my bong
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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