Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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