Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize