Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
