Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
