He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize