i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize