Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
