I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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