so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i drank out of a bidet.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
