Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
