i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
