this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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