Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
