He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
How external is "for external use only"?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
