Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
