My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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