Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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