Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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