Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I think I just sharted jello shots
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