she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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