We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize