i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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