Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
