first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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