I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
