shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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