I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
