physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
