I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
