I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
