I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
