if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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