She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
