u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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