I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
did you just send me my own nude
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
