I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
