Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
