Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
