Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
