Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I love you. Go after that dick
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
